Have You Ever Been an Alien?

Enough of the aliens, alright?! It seems like the movie industry is obsessed with the subject lately, and in order to make a film “interesting” there must be some sort of alien in the plot.  Whatever happened to good ol’ cowboy movies without the extraterrestrials in the mix (i.e. “Cowboys and Aliens”)? Could it be that there is another question that needs to be asked? Is it our search for some sort of permanence or belonging that is at the heart of the theme of the “other“.  Who are the actual foreign bodies in this plot we are living?

So what exactly is an ALIEN?

1

a :  belonging or relating to another person, place, or thing :  strange

b :  relating, belonging, or owing allegiance to another country or government :  foreign

c :  exotic 1

2

:  differing in nature or character typically to the point of incompatibility

Strange, Foreign, Exotic…

To the point of creating Culture Shock:

 a sense of confusion and uncertainty sometimes with feelings of anxiety that may affect people exposed to an alien culture or environment without adequate preparation

Now I used to think that this meant moving to another country, but have recently found out that this isn’t always the case. What I have learned is that there is a sister to culture shock and her name is transition shock.  She can visit you if you change jobs, churches, schools, relocate to a new city, state or country.  There is a process that she takes you through and it can be difficult and unsettling. Having moved from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest just 9 months ago, my husband and I experienced a significant upset with what was familiar.  We had both lived in the same state for over 50 years and decided it was time for something new, time to pursue a dream, time for an adventure.  We weren’t prepared for some of the things that we experienced.

Transition shock:

Culture shock is a subcategory of a more universal construct called transition shock. Transition shock is a state of loss and disorientation predicated by a change in one’s familiar environment which requires adjustment

There are varying symptoms, but like grief, there are phases that can be experienced:

1 The Four Phases

• 1.1 Honeymoon phase
• 1.2 Negotiation phase
• 1.3 Adjustment phase
• 1.4 Mastery phase

We were surprised when a missionary friend asked if we had gotten over our culture shock and after pondering on the idea, I looked into it a little further, only to realize that was what we had been experiencing for 9 months. Our unsettledness was a result of being uprooted and moved to a whole new environment, and what we were feeling was not unusual.  With that explanation we found a sense of peace and freedom from the “what’s wrong with me?” questions. Adapting takes time, and for us it became day by day process.

When you are drifting, you need an anchor and what became our anchor was our home.  It was the place where we could come and settle in and feel safe, comfortable and secure.  It became a refuge and a place of rest.  While we were adjusting, our home was the place where we could exhale and reconnect.  There have been tears, laughter, frustration, fear, joy, excitement and every other emotion that you can imagine, but we have worked through it together and for that our marriage is stronger. Not a day has gone by that we haven’t prayed together.  Through it all, we have found Him to be our Refuge. Jesus,the one who is preparing a place for us in heaven.  The One Who is our Eternal Home. How can we ever expect to feel fully settled in a place that is not our forever home?

So ultimately we are all aliens, knowing that this place is temporary and our true home is not here.  Our citizenship is in heaven and that is the place we must be preparing for.  I have a feeling the transition will be pretty easy and that there will be no shock, only the awe of seeing His face and knowing we are…

Home. Sweet. Home.

Susan

 

 

 

 

The Other Side of My Door

 It was time to take out the trash again.  Like most apartment communities, we share a large bin with several other neighbors and each are expected to do their part to keep the area clean.  But, I have often been annoyed by what seemed to be the laziness of another neighbor. Several times they have left a plastic grocery bag of trash just inside of the gate surrounding the trash bin.  Why would someone just leave it on the ground and not bother to put it inside the bin?  Was someone sending their child to take out to the trash and they couldn’t reach high enough to throw it inside?  Each time, I considered calling the management office to complain (after all, we don’t want raccoons or rodents tearing up that trash, do we?).  Instead I would walk back to our home, vowing to try not to complain, as I wrote about in a previous post, “The Flip Side of Gratitude”.  What I wasn’t considering was my attitude.

 This day, as I turned the corner and stepped onto the sidewalk just outside of the gate, I saw him approaching.  He was probably in his sixties and on his lap was a small plastic bag of trash.  He was in a wheelchair.  It was a chilly morning, but he was wearing shorts and his legs made it apparent that something was severely wrong with them.  They were discolored and had several sores.  But, he had a smile on his face as I reached out and offered to take his trash for him.  After I threw it in the bin, he thanked me and wished me a good day.  We talked about the weather and what a lovely day it was going to be, then I wished him a good day as well, smiled and headed to the car. I was so thankful to have met him.  It was then that God began to teach me something, and it had to do with loving my neighbor.  My neighbor being that person who God puts in my path after I step outside of my door each day.

  You see, people often leave us traces of their “trash”.  They can be annoying behaviors or habits which get under our skin.  It could be the elderly person who drives slow because their eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be.  Or the crying child in the store who needs a nap.  But it could also be the person who has developed an addiction to avoid the pain of their childhood abuse and has not found a way to deal with it yet.  Maybe it’s the teenager acting out because of the terrible dysfunction in the home, or the man or woman with the cardboard sign asking for help to get through the day.  Possibly it’s the person we don’t see who leaves their trash just outside of the bin.

  It’s so easy for me to judge based on my experience.  My side of the door.  I may have been raised with advantages that others have not had.  It could be parents that stayed together and modeled a good marriage, growing up in a safe neighborhood, having the food and clothes that I needed, going to church and being raised to have faith in God.  It could also be things like having physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  Because I am limited in my ability to understand what others have experienced in their lives is enough reason to give grace.  Only God knows what they have come from and how far they have come from that point.  For this man to get out of his apartment and get to the trash bin may have been a huge success for him!

  May God give each of us the grace and ability to see beyond our own life experiences and consider the variety of backgrounds we encounter each day.  Only then can we introduce them to Someone Who will meet them right where they are.  Jesus.  For He knows, He loves, and He sees the beginning and end of each life, for He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.

  Opening my door and looking out,

  Susan

Fashion or Passion?

“You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent

Oh Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever”.  Psalm 30:11 & 12

Fashionista turned Passionista.  Minimizing on the clothes and shoes and finding my joy in HIM.

Having worked many years in the interior design field, I found it easy to justify a large wardrobe and lots of shoes.  That was my identity.  Style was my thing.  I always looked for bargains, but still had a closet full of clothing that I didn’t even wear.   Then, I changed professions and started wearing jeans to work, and you know what?  I really enjoyed dressing casual. I found that my energies had been spent more on the outward than the inward and that simplifying my wardrobe was helping me to focus on what really mattered.  My character.

Which brings me to this.  What does God say about clothing?  As I searched my bible, the only emphasis that I saw was 1) dress modestly, and 2) don’t worry about clothing.  Not that it’s okay to be sloppy.  Jesus himself dressed nicely, in the fashion of the day.  If he hadn’t, the soldiers would not have cast lots for His clothes at the foot of the cross (John 19:23 & 24). We live in cultures that determine, to some degree, what is acceptable to wear. We previously lived in a multi-ethnic community where we saw people in bright and beautiful clothing.  They brought their culture with them in what they wore, and because of that, we were blessed to experience what they valued as a part of their identity.

“Beauty is not something to behold, but to be given”.  That was a quote that I had written in my bible underneath this verse:

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved,

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”  (Colossians 3:12-14)

I’ve always felt that the coat completes the outfit.  And here we are shown that LOVE is the finishing touch we need to pull the whole look together!  The Designer touch that attracts attention.  The most beautiful garment that one could ever wear.  And one that will never wear out, never go out of style, and even if it’s given away, it will be multiplied back in a joy and passion for God that no outward focus can ever replace.  Like a bride on her wedding day, adorned for her bridegroom.

“I delight greatly in the Lord;

my soul rejoices in my God.

For He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness,

as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,

and a bride adorns herself with her jewels”.

Isaiah 61:10

Adorn me, oh Lord. Let your beauty be seen in me.  Let me not cast judgment on the outward appearance of another, but remember that you look at the heart.  Show me what really matters in my walk with you.  I ask you for a wardrobe of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  And may my passion and love for you always be what motivates my choices, attitudes and words. Thank you for clothing me in your righteousness.  Amen.

He is my Fashion Statement!

Susan

 

The Nutcracker “Sweet”

What do Tootsie Roll Pops and nuts have in common? Have you heard the expression “he’s a tough nut to crack!”? You know, those cranky and crusty people that always seem to have an edge? I like to call them Tootsie Roll Pops. Like nuts, once you break through that tough exterior, there is a soft (sometimes sweet) treasure inside!

I’ve met many of them over the years and they’ve taught me something. The power of kindness. I’m talking about a relentless kindness that looks past the hard exterior and believes there is some softness beyond it. Looking for the slightest crack, the tiniest opening where some light may penetrate. I’ve seen this happen and it is delightful! It’s about love and grace and all that each of us needs and longs for. It’s about making a way for a Greater Grace to reach into the heart and mind of someone else. It’s about giving and receiving back what you’ve poured out…and it’s not easy.

Often, it takes a SOURCE beyond human effort to reach a soul who’s heart has become so hard that we need to put boundaries in place. Often times, wounded people wound out of their own pain. That is what we need to remind ourselves. To the degree the person is “graceless” toward others is the degree that GRACE has not reached their own soul. But, maybe the beginning of the Greater Grace is by seeing it shown by the kindness of another human being.

I have never had the opportunity to see “The Nutcracker Suite” at Christmas time, but I hope to someday. What amazes me about ballet though, is the tremendous grace and strength that it requires. What appears so effortless has required energy and discipline that goes unseen by those observing the performance.

Just like a beautiful dance, kindness requires great effort by each of us. It is the outcome of being on the receiving end of meanness as well as caring, and knowing what has and has not benefited me. I am much more responsive to an open hand than a pointing finger any day! Most likely, what is “sweet to my soul” will be the same for the next person. Mercy triumphs over judgement!

The kindness factor is the Nutcracker.

Susan

There’s No Place Like Home

Last night, my husband looked me straight in the eyes and asked, “Are you happy?”.  I immediately responded with, “Yes, honey. I am happy”.  I can honestly say that I am.  What began as an upheaval of all that was familiar has settled into a routine of peace.  HOME has new meaning for me now.

You see, this June we moved 2600 miles in a UHaul truck, with our car and cats in tow. We had six days to move from Michigan to Oregon, so the site seeing was limited, the drive was tiring, but we were beginning our adventure.  My husband was to embark on a new career and I was to begin finding my place alongside him.  Having been married only 2 1/2 years, we felt like we were moving forward into our purpose as a couple.

What we didn’t anticipate was how hard it would be to acclimate and feel settled.  I didn’t realize how important familiarity and routine are to being at rest.  The first two months were particularly hard and I dealt with a bout of depression.  My husband was trying to figure out his new position and I was working on getting our apartment settled.  The town was unfamiliar, the culture was different than what we were used to, and I had the hardest time finding a grocery store that I liked! Everything had been uprooted and the newness was sometimes overwhelming. It seemed that there was no place to call home.

In the midst of it all, we’ve found beauty.  There have been drives around mountains, hikes to waterfalls, and views of high desert spaces and lava fields.  The scenery has been breathtaking at times.  Best of all, we’ve had each other and found a new sense of home within our relationship.  It has stretched us and forced us to be honest with ourselves and one another.  We have found ourselves praying more than ever and acknowledging Jesus as the third, or rather the FIRST strand in this three cord strand we call marriage. (Ecclesiastes 3:9-12)

Today, I find myself as a homemaker.  This role has seemed to lost it’s place in our culture and women are made to feel that they must pursue a career outside of the home.  For some, it is necessary.  I know that personally having been a single mom for several years.  But seasons change as do priorities.  It is my joy to make our apartment a haven where there is order and peace.  I have a purpose in simplifying our lives as we are living on less, but finding that we don’t need the things we once thought we did.  Minimizing on stuff, but maximizing on substance.  Time together, home cooked meals, and a place to exhale.

No doubt, there is something sacred about our homes.  They must be a picture of something Divine, another place calling us.  A place of belonging, peace, rest and safety.  One thing I do know, Jesus is our HOME and no matter where life takes us, He is our refuge.

So glad to be a happy homemaker,

Susan

 

The Flip-Side of Gratitude

Tis’ the season to be thankful.  It’s wonderful to see a wave of posts expressing daily gratitude and ideas that families can do together to share what they’re thankful for.  Gratitude is definitely an attitude that we all need to develop, not only in this season, but year around. There truly are so many things, even little things, to thank Him for each day!

Yet, I’ve been considering something on the flip-side of the thanksgiving coin, a close sister, who’s name is “Don’t Complain”. Ugh!  Oh, there she is already…sneaking up in my attitude.   How often I find my thoughts drifting into complaint mode, and how many things I can find to complain about! I can easily name a few: the weather (as if complaining about it will change it!), the poor service I received (believing I deserve better), the driver in front of me (as if I’ve never annoyed someone else with my driving ;)), the long wait (which may be providing me the opportunity to see something around me).  Is it any wonder that God commanded the Israelites not to murmur?

A few years ago, my pastor challenged us to a “complaint fast” during the Lenten season.  40 days of not complaining.  I accepted the challenge and found myself amazed at how many times a day I had to battle those negative thoughts.  Yikes!  How had this become such a big part of my mindset and communication?  How had I lost the wonder of seeing the good around me?  I realize that our culture often finds this as a way of connecting with those of like mind, but is that the best way?  I’m not trying to be a Pollyanna here since I know that we all have problems and concerns that we need to talk about and find support with.  What I have to deal with is a mindset that feeds on complaints.

So, this holiday season when I am shopping and hear the Christmas music playing way too early, maybe I’ll sing along rather than complain about it.  After that, maybe I’ll give thanks that I have a voice to sing these songs, food to bring home from the store, and a place to call home, and that it’s a home where there is peace and love awaiting me.

See you on the flip-side!

Susan